With Thanksgiving just a day away, some of you may be feeling uneasy about upcoming family and social events. As much fun and happiness the holidays usually bring, if you are divorced (especially if this is your first year divorced) this time of year may also mean additional stress, anxiety and confusion – particularly about how to get through the awkward comments and questions that naturally come up during social events. Here are three communication tips that will help you sail through your conversations powerfully, gracefully and with ease.

1. Set better boundaries. Let’s face it Ladies, we women are not the best at setting boundaries. Saying ‘no’ and setting healthy boundaries sets off our ‘bitch buzzer’ and we worry that we might not be the nice girl we want everyone to think we are. This is particularly true with our communication. We’ll tell a complete stranger the most intimate details of our lives! If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling uneasy, ‘slimmed’ or regretful - chances are you shared more than you wanted to – an indication of poor boundaries.

A better strategy: remember that YOU get to decide who share yourself with. Just because someone asks something does not mean you are obligated to share what you would rather not share. Before going into the event, get clear on these three things: what you feel comfortable sharing; who you are willing to share it with; and why you are sharing it. Remember, you don’t need to share every thought, feeling or experience with anyone who asks, even the well-meaning people you love.

1. Know your exit strategies. Aunt Sophie is going to ask about your sex life at the dinner table in front of everyone. Your brother is going to bring up politics. And your neighbor isgoing to mention how young and gorgeous your ex’s new girlfriend is. Such is the life of a divorced mom! I don’t know exactly who will say what, obviously, but you know that there are certain topics that certain people will bring up which might make you (and everyone else in the room), uncomfortable. Being prepared is half the battle. Have a handful of gracious exit lines at the ready so when people ask uncomfortable questions, you’ll be able to glide out of it with little collateral damage. ‘That’s some question, Aunt Sophie. Thank you for your concern, but I’m not comfortable talking about that. Tell us about your trip to New York.’

Come up with your exit strategies before any holiday event you may be attending, and practice them out loud in front   of a mirror until they feel and sound natural. Having these at the ready will eliminate much of your holiday stress and increase your confidence and joy.

1. Watch your words! Words and phrases are powerful and can easily create tension and chaos if you are not careful. Many couples have ended up back in court simply because someone said the wrong thing at the wrong time. You don’t want that. Go for neutral language when you are dealing with an ex, or their friends or family, and most especially when speaking to your children. For example: say ‘our kids’ or ‘the kids’ vs. ‘my kids’; use proper names vs. ‘my latest boyfriend’. The more neutral you are with your words and phrases, the less potential there is for divorce war. Remember, too, that little ears hear everything you say. Your children are watching, listening and learning. How you treat your ex matters, and has a profound impact on your children! You don’t have to like or respect your ex to treat him or her warmly and professionally. Do your best to suspend ill-feelings and speak to your ex as you would like to be spoken to, even if you are not treated in kind.

Holidays divorced aren’t always easy, but with a little preparation and foresight they can be much more delightful than you might expect. Wishing you and yours the very best holidays possible!